Culture Vulture Schmulture

Our pal Atoz, aka Dave Stock, goes on an alphabetical tour of films, books and music - "Things that you should own, if they're the sort of things you might like, which I do".

a: "As I am currently a poor civil servant, and soon to be a poor student, I cannot afford many new CDs, videos, etc. So I thought I'd trawl through my collection and try and find 'Things that you should own, if they're the sort of things you might like'..."
b: "Quite a lot of competition for this one, at least in my head - I don't know what you lot think. (To tell the truth I don't really care, this is my parade and ain't nobody gonna rain on it. Sorry about that.)"
c: "I have to admit, I've struggled to come up with something for this week. However, ever the soldier, I have consumed vast amounts of alcohol this week (in the interests of creativity, of course), and come up with something tenuously cultural and tenuously 'C'-ish."
d: "In true Civil Servant style, I have reneged on my promise to contribute something good this week. Well, not entirely reneged (I love that word), but changed my plan slightly..."
e: "Much as I like it, I can't bring myself to choose Everything Must Go by the Manics. Primal Scream's last album was called XTRMNTR (that's "exterminator" - for the terminally thick). In order to dig myself out of a hole, I've decided (fairly enough) that that begins with an, um, "X". Guess what the entry's gonna be that week, ev'rybody!"
f: "This week we're on to 'F', and the first time I've chosen a book. The only other real contenders were 'Falling Down', Michael Douglas's bad hair day, and 'Falling Towards England' - part of Clive James's autobiography. Lots of falling."
g: "...you'll be surprised to hear that - in what is rapidly becoming time-honoured tradition (is it possible to become time-honoured rapidly?) - I've thought of something I forgot last time around. Full Metal Jacket is boss. (That means good, for the editor's info'.)"
h: "'Harry Potter and the Glasgow Kiss' would be right up there if it existed (blooming Hogwarts hogwash), but it doesn't so there's only one real contender for my recommendation of something that you might quite like to consider maybe owning a copy of. 'Hamlet'."
i: "This week we're on to "I", and Jimmy's Magic Moment. Apologies for the lack of contributions lately boys and girls, I know how much you hang on my every word!!"
j: "'J' is for 'Johnny'. O the valley in the summer where I and my John/Beside the deep river would walk on and on..."
k: "The best thing about being a Film Studies student, aside from having so few lectures it caused the cleaner to ask my flatmates if I was actually enrolled on a course, is getting to watch lots and lots of films in the name of research."
l: "No shortage of ideas for this one, so you may be forgiven for wondering why it's taken me so long to submit it."
m: "This week, 'M' and a fairly wide range of things I've thought of. Mostly music, but then I am a Yoof, so what can you do, eh?"
n: "This 'week', 'N'. But first, let me introduce myself. My name is Atoz (or should that be Atom?), I am lazy. (Cue AA-type clapping, 'Very true...') Amazingly, I don't own a single video beginning with 'N' (I have 50 videos. No food, but 50 videos.)"
o: "'O' my god. It's 'O'. I think that possibly the lamest thing I've ever said. Just after 'Of course I love you'. OK, I'm only going to admit this the once - I have a soft spot for the Gene Kelly vehicle On The Town. There, I've said it, please don't think any less of me."
p: "When I started this little column, I calculated (with not much difficulty) that it should take six months (we can assume that the alphabet has 26 letters for the purpose of this experiment) to complete. It has been a very enjoyable nine months."
q: "'Q' is a stupid letter. Right after I write my petition to the Canadian Government recommending that either they change to Canadans or they live in Canadia... I'll send a new one to the Dept for the Alphabet (there must be one, this is Labour for chrissakes) reuesting the removal of the letter '' from our uintessentially goofy language."
r: "This 'week' we're on to 'R', and a mighty fine selection is at hand. Falling by the wayside include (the incredibly overrated, but still far from poor) Rumours - Fleetwood Mac's finest, though what does that say?"
s: "This week we're onto 'S'." Atoz surpasses himself with a list of fifty films, TV programmes, albums and books, all beginning with the letter S.
t: "I need a distraction, otherwise I'll have to actually watch Wipeout, The Worst Show on Telly (TM). Makes me shudder just to think of it. So here we go, we're on to 'T', and the light at the end of the tunnel shines ever brighter."
u: "It's not every day you get the chance to use the phrase 'Californian Drug-Related Catharsis'. Unless you happen to be Jerry Springer (We love you Jerry; We came all the way from Streatham just to say that, Omigod.). Which you probably don't."
v: "'What's this?' I hear you say (bloody clever, this Interweb-thing). 'Another film? Directed by Hitchcock? Surely not!' But yes (and please stop calling me Shirley. Boom boom), it is exactly that."
w: "As the encroaching horizon that is 'Z'... draws nigher (I'd love to believe that was a word) - we reach 'W', and the greatest shock this side of Duran Duran's baffling stranglehold on the music-buying public of the early-mid 1980s."
x: "I have to give a nod to 'X-Men: The Movie', otherwise my delectable girlfriend (hey baby) will kill me. Do not confuse the delectable Emily with the unelectable 'Dubya' Bush. There's also an 'erotic' film called X, but I wouldn't know anything about that."
y: "Now we're up to 'Y', and nearing the end of our joint odyssey through 'culture'. This 26-week slot has now taken somewhere around four years to complete, and I apologise for those of you left hanging on my every word. Does anyone still read this??"
z: "So we're on to 'Z', which I'm taking my first break from Championship Manager (the only real reason I bought a computer) in order to write. I ask forgiveness, O great god Eidos."