Phil's Philosophy

The laughably named and in no way at all pseudonymous Phil McCollum takes time out to share a few thoughts on life's little quirks.

It's Been A Busy Week: "You just can't imagine how busy this week has been for me. First it was Queen Victoria trying to break the door down because she wanted access to the website..."
Communication: "The Internet is a great thing. In ye olden days it used to take months to send a letter by ship to foreign lands. It took quite a long time to send people too. Roll on the day when we can just 'beam up'!"
Carry On Cooking: "Like many people working long hours in a country where the expat has an economic advantage, I hired a cook in Kurdistan. The man's name was Yaro but we all called him Yahoo..."
Meeting A Cyberpal: "I wrote before about how communication on the web could be easily misunderstood, often because of the lack of non-verbal signals which are common in real life conversations..."
Dentists: "Why would anyone want to be a dentist? I can't think of anything worse than poking around at someone's grotty teeth..."
Erbil Airways: "Sometimes people start projects and you can tell from the start that they're never going to succeed. Sometimes they surprise you - and then again, sometimes not..."
Euphemisms: "This is about death and sex really... When I heard this week that someone had been astrally harvested, my first reaction was to laugh. Consider others' feelings, by all means, but isn't that one just a little OTT?"
Feline Angry: "Brits have a reputation for being pet lovers and that's great. I quite like dogs, when they're not fierce-looking brutes who jump on me and clart my clothes with muddy paw-marks..."
Men: "I am so glad that I am not a man. And no, this isn't going to turn into some kind of feminist rant. It's just that the hysteria about paedophiles and sex offenders in Britain these days is making it difficult for ordinary people, ie men, to go about their normal daily lives."
I Am Not Walter Mitty: "Don't you find that, as expats, you often cease to be part of the same race as British non-expats? You'll say something in all innocence, like: 'When I was going through the Khyber Pass...' or: 'When two machine guns opened fire on our jeep on the Iraqi border...' and non-expats will look at you as if you'd just said 'The last time I was abducted by aliens...'"
Names: "Does your name ever cause you hassle? Sometimes even the most innocent name can. Would you believe there's a TV presenter on a UK gardening programme called Gay Search? I'm sorry, but every time I hear that name I think of phone-lines to contact gay people. It's probably not the sort of name one would choose to have any more than, say, Yellow Pages."
Getting Older: "I don't mind getting older; it happens to us all. Some of us even get wiser with the added years. I'm not sure if I have. I don't like age-ism any more than any other ism. I don't lie about my age. But what bugs me about getting older is the cost."
Racism: "What's the legal definition of racism? I don't know, maybe someone can enlighten me. My dictionary tells me it means 'A belief in the superiority of a particular race: prejudice based on this' or 'Antagonism towards other races...' It goes on a bit but the other meanings aren't relevant right now."
Smoking: "Very few people smoke cigarettes these days, which is probably a good thing. There are the health risks, the nuisance to others and the fact that it makes your curtains smell bad."