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  • loveday 
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Hi I was just wondering about the local attitude to co-habiting couples...

...wherever I look on official-dom sites for various permits, licences, applications etc I have been seeing the need to produce a marriage certificate - the area in particular where this triggered a little worry was looking up what documentation was required to register your child in school...

...the thing is, I live with my partner and we have a child (who will be 5 1/2 when we make the move to Gozo next August). Will it be a problem that we aren't married??

Any reassurance or honest replies welcomed - if it really is going to make a huge difference then we'll get ourselves married before we get there!!

Looking forward to any response

Loveday xxx
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  • gozomark 
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As a result of Malta having no divorce law, there are thousands of Maltese couples who are co-habiting in Malta (one or both of whom are already married) - however, as in the UK, having a piece of paper "proving" your relationship will make many things simpler
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  • loveday 
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Thanks Gozomark. Well, it is about time we stopped putting it off (we have preferred to spend our money on holidays, central heating, new kitchen, guess we should hit the registrar's office quiet-like!!!)
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  • stroppy knickers 
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I have a family member who while separated from her husband, met someone new and went on to have a family. The boys are now teenagers, but still suffer a lot of negativity at school. One of the hardest things is that the kids aren't allowed to take the Holy Communion and though that doesn't seem a big deal when you're an adult and not all that religious.. try explaining it to a little kid whos friends are all getting fancy clothes and having a party and discussing it for hours on end.... and they can't have one as well! It really doesn't help when grown ups keep telling them they can have a party, it just has to be a little different... because at that age, kids don't want to be different, they want to have the same as their friends- just better/bigger.. and why not? You're only a child once and it should be made as easy as possible by the big people who did it first! Smile

(I won't go into what I think of the bunch of hypocrites who would let a small child suffer in the name of religion... and I'll try not to spit vitriol over anyone lol)

For what my opinion is worth, Loveday.. I'm really glad you decided to get married before moving out. It will make all the difference in the World out here to your little girl and her social life at school. Congratulations! x
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  • loveday 
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Bless you Stroppy Knickers! (that's a phrase I would have previously thought unlikely for me to say!!!)

That sort of honesty is exactly what I need to know. I really wouldn't want to do anything that would harm the little one's happiness or ability to fit-in at school.

x
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  • gozomark 
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stroppy knickers wrote: One of the hardest things is that the kids aren't allowed to take the Holy Communion


Are you saying that because the parents are living in "sin", the children can't take holy communion ? Shocked
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  • pumabob 
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That might be the case, or it may be that because they haven't been baptised in the RC faith then they aren't 'eligible' to take communion. Rolling Eyes
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  • Red 
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Surely if a child isn't baptised in the faith, he/she would not be accepted into an RC school in the first place?



Red.
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  • stroppy knickers 
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If you're living together unmarried with children, not only can't your kids take the Holy Communion, but nor can you. My nephews weren't even allowed to have morning registration with the other children. The reason given for this was their illegitimacy. Once my sister-in-law had her anullment and she and her now husband got married, suddenly the boys were welcome at after school clubs, Sunday school, trips out, things which had previously been denied them. As a family they can now take the Communion, they choose not to! Smile I don't blame them at all.

Regarding the eligibility of non RC kids in RC schools.. all I can say is I am C of E, I went to an RC school back in the 70's, took a mini version of the Holy Communion (for me it was all about the party) and I know for a fact that non RC children here are welcomed into RC faith schools in the same way I was.. providing their parents don't mind religious instruction being Catholicism.
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  • gozomark 
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I can comprehend the bit about the parents not being able to take communion (they've broken the "club" rules), but what have the children done wrong ? Does it apply for the rest of the childs life, or only until they reach a certain age ?
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  • pumabob 
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Basically the church has a 'chain of events' which can't be broken in a religious context.
Baptism - communion - confirmation - etc.

So by not being baptised, they can't obtain the rest. It applies for life, not just childhood.

Although Malta is still deeply religious they are also part of the EU now and discrimination on religious grounds is illegal. I doubt if many parents would wish to take this moral stand and in everyday terms it wouldn't help the children fit in with their peers.
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  • gozomark 
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But surely you can be baptised at any age, or is it illegitimate children can't be baptised ?
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Not an expert on this but believe the second part normally applies within RC doctrine.
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  • stroppy knickers 
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Catechism of the Catholic Church:


The Baptism of infants

1250 Born with a fallen human nature and tainted by original sin, children also have need of the new birth in Baptism to be freed from the power of darkness and brought into the realm of the freedom of the children of God, to which all men are called.50 The sheer gratuitousness of the grace of salvation is particularly manifest in infant Baptism. The Church and the parents would deny a child the priceless grace of becoming a child of God were they not to confer Baptism shortly after birth.51

1251 Christian parents will recognize that this practice also accords with their role as nurturers of the life that God has entrusted to them.52

1252 The practice of infant Baptism is an immemorial tradition of the Church. There is explicit testimony to this practice from the second century on, and it is quite possible that, from the beginning of the apostolic preaching, when whole "households" received baptism, infants may also have been baptized.


Baptism hasn't really much to do with it, though. It's all down to the attitude of the Parish Priest, I think since he is the one who can decide how and if the child can be confirmed and if he/she can receive the Holy Communion. Trouble is, it's 20 or 30 years behind most Western countries in a lot of respects. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that, in fact in almost all areas, it's very refreshing to find that things we've become accustomed to seeing in every day life in our 'home' Countries, and don't like at all.. haven't become the norm here yet... but things like the attitudes towards love-children, divorce, cremation seem so archaic. No worse than they were in Britain back in the day though. Smile In this particular area it is morally wrong IMHO..
In a perfect world, everything would be equal and nobody would ever have cause for complaint, but always there are things which someone won't like... this is my particular bug-bear... can't abide to see kids used as a weapon by anyone, least of all by the custodians of what should be a secure and safe place children (and adults of course) can go in times of personal crisis.
Do hope I haven't offended anyone, like I said.. it's just my personal opinion Smile
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  • gozomark 
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thanks for the explanations - if you don't/can't get baptised, does that mean you can't do confession ?
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